I'm an entrepreneur. I know a lot of people throw that term around loosely, but I don't.
In fact, there was a time when I didn't throw it around at all. Why?
Because I never wanted to be one.
The truth is, I tend to be a scaredy-cat. I'm resistant to change. When things get stressful or tough, I definitely lean more towards the "flight", not "fight" camp. The thought of starting my own business - the kind that made real money and therefore had the potential for real risk - was enough to make me swear I'd rather just work for someone else for the rest of my life.
After all, that meant they took all the risk, right? They're the ones who'd have to make all the tough choices, worry about taxes and business accounts, and handle employees and business expenses.
Turns out risk can find you anyway. Tough choices will show up at your door regardless or how much you hide. And you end up trading freedom and choice for limited earning potential and someone else's dreams.
I spent 16 years playing at business. I said I had my own business, but I didn't. Not really. Eighty percent of my contracts were from the same company, and I didn't actively pursue growth and development. For all intents and purposes, I was an employee of one company. I was at their beck and call 24/7. Their deadlines became my deadlines. Their stress became my stress. I was never, ever going to be anything more than their contractor.
I was meant for more than that, but I refused to acknowledge it. I stayed the same, played small, and hid. Until finally one day God said, "Enough. If you won't grow where you're at, then I'll move you." And He did.
The bottom dropped out of my business literally overnight. Things HAD to change because there was no other choice. Guess how much I liked that?
That time in my business was intense. Read a couple blog posts back to see what I mean. I gutted it out because I had no choice, but inside I was bitter and resentful. I never wanted this, I thought. All these other people around me and thriving as "entrepreneurs". They think it's great. Why can't I love it like they do? Why do I feel like a sinking ship? And I began to refer to myself as an anti-preneur as a joke. I wasn't against entrepreneurism. It's just how I felt - I was an entrepreneur by necessity, not choice.
God had a lot of work to do on me. He took me through a time of fiery refinement that altered many things about me as a person and EVERYTHING about my business. And during that time, I began to write again as a way to process change and communicate with God and with myself. Writing became my saving grace, which was His intention all along.
Little by little, slivers of light began to pierce through. I started to realize there were certain things about what I was doing that I was really good at. When I focused in on only those things, everything changed. Suddenly, my work was FUN again.
And then one day there it was. I was no longer an anti-preneur. I was a full-on entrepreneur and loving it. I began to really thrive.
I've learned a new level of trust in God. Every step of my journey was designed for my growth, even the hard parts. Especially the hard parts. Things are as He designed, and it's SO much better than anything I'd have ever come up with on my own.
If you're sitting in the hard place right now, trust. I don't mean that flippantly. Sometimes trust is the only thing you can do and the only thing you have left. It's WORK. But He knows what you need.
Oh, He knows what you want, too. Thank goodness He doesn't always give us what we want. I am SO thankful He didn't just let me have what I thought I wanted. If He had:
He KNOWS what you NEED.
Hi, I'm Christa, founder of HUB Creative Media, an Iowa-based business specializing in targeted messaging, copywriting, and ghostwriting services. I have one handsome hubby who's my partner in crime (not literally) and two great kids who keep us busy (Track and field! Volleyball! Basketball! All the sports!) Using words to help people promote what they love is my favorite!